Sometimes....

Sometimes I think......

I've become complacent. I've become naive. I've become alot of the things that I hoped to never be. It never makes me mad, but I do wonder how. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I think alot of it has to do with this place. This concrete jungle that is my home. Sometimes I think of moving, sometimes to PA or NJ, or sometimes even CT. But I'm not sure if that's far enuff away. So then I think London, Germany, and even Japan. Most say I'm running, I just think I need an escape. From it all. The constant, never-ending, overwhelming foolery of it all. I want to be at peace, I function better that way. I gather my thoughts and I think of all the things that I would like to be doing. Like writing for a dope magazine, or reporting stats for the NBA/NFL, hosting my own morning show, taking pictures, or travelling the world. And then I think of all the things that are stopping me or in the way. Experience, responsibilities, finances, family, friends, and then I think of all the things that I could've done different. And sometimes I even wonder what I did wrong. When did this become my reality?? Sometimes I think to myself that the man above has to have more in store for me. That this couldn't possibly be all. And then sometimes I think, this is soo much more than many others could even fathom. I have options. Does that make me ungrateful?? Sometimes I think that I should just be happy with all that I've got and forget about all that I want. An apt, a car, loving family and friends, a stable job (regardless of how unhappy I've become) and him. I appreciate him more than he knows, and he cares about me more than he shows, but such is life. Sometimes I laugh when I think of my past. Good to know it's finally far away. The good memories are unfortunately not as vivid as the bad. Sometimes I feel like I'm in neutral with the hand brake up and my foot on the gas. I want to do more, learn more, see more, be more, live...more.

Sometimes.....