Shades of You

I'm starting to think that I don't know you at all. Starting to feel like I got myself into something way over my head. I feel like a hypocrite, because I know in my heart I'm only human, but sometimes I try to take on things that are out of my league. And I know I can't help everyone, but I truly believed that we could help each other. Now I see that that's only possible when we are in a good place or I keep my feelings, emotions, and concerns to myself. I knew I was in too deep, but retracting or reverting to old ways didn't feel like steps in the right direction. A direction I now know I was headed in alone.

I laugh to myself because the same person who finds me complicated and claimed to want to know how I got to be the way that I am probably will never realize that it's this exact situation, repeated over and over, that's the cause. And this same person, who has walked away from me time and time again, has walked away from me for the last time.

I don't regret any of it just wish I'd have accepted what was so clear from the very beginning. The man that I grew fond of hasn't been here for the longest. And the person/people in his place, are a bit much. Even for me. I do feel stupid for caring and I do feel like I was given fair warning about you, but I chose to take it all on anyway. I've said alot, I've done alot, but I think my intentions were always clear. But now, in the moment, it has become clear to me that I never knew what you're intentions were or for that matter if you even had any. I do know that I was right when I said I wasn't what you were used to. And those that are used to you and can deal with it better than me, hats off to them.

You'll be fine as will I, but I'd lying if I said that I wish this wasn't goodbye. But I guess things happen for a reason. But I will miss:

The you that made me smile and laugh
The you that would realize when he was wrong
The you that was spontaneous and concerned
The you that would do things for me that he didn't want to and show up at my mommas to help us shovel out all that dam slow after being at work for hours
The you that held me when we slept and cooked dinner for me out of the blue
The you that removed your tags on my bday pictures
The you that realized he didn't always handle everything in the best way
The you that makes me feel so bad about giving a damn
The you who was ready to go to war for my bff during the worst time of her life
The you that underestimates me
The you who would've loved the thoughtful bday present I just threw down the incinerator
The you that would admit when I wasn't wrong for feeling how I felt
The you who is never going to walk back through my door...
YOU, period!