It's never to late

For as long as I could remember, I always felt a kinda way about the relationship or lack there of, that I have/had with my dad. Growing up he was there, more financially than anything else, but there and I appreciate it. But I could never understand why he wasn't there when I really needed him, you know??? I'm his only child, just me. I never got the talks I probably should've. Never bonded. But we are bonding now, and I couldn't ask for anything more. I know it has alot to do with the fact that I moved out my moms house. I wish I really knew why he feels as strong as he does about her, but that's a convo that NEVER gets anywhere.

Sometimes I blame him for the troubles I encounter with the male species. Some guidance might have spared me some heartache but no sense dwelling on what I can't change. However, the other day, if you remember, I posted the following status on FB:


"Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them."

And in response to that, my dad gave me if not the only piece, but the best piece of advice, he ever gave me, and it went like this...(don't mind the typos, and I fixed it a bit but you get the point)


"first what you have to do is live for yourself, you do what you want to do as long as it's good for you. love we all need, but love yurself first, trust yurself, always leave room for dissapointment life is short. LOVE, when you see it, you would know it. have a nice day (ask me, i know)"

And it was in that moment, I realized that my dad does loves me. Always has. But in a different way than I was looking for. A different way than I wanted to accept. He lived his life by this very policy, and as I think back on those moments that he wasn't there, they make me smile, now. Cuz I am in the process of trying to do the very same thing. And the closer we get, the more alike I realize we truly are. And it's funny because of course my mom will say I'm just like him and he says vice versa, but I've never been more proud/privileged to be the perfect combination of two amazing people.

I know neither of you will read this, but just know that I love you both!